Making Mistakes
by Pseudo Scribbler
Summary: Its complicated when you have to chose between your friends and your love, losing trust and gaining trust, right and wrong. Especially when it comes to a certain stubborn red head. OneShot. REVISED with an alternate ending. REVIEWS LOVED!


**Making Mistakes**

It had been six weeks, three days, and five hours since he had made the biggest mistake of his life. James Potter's life had officially ended. All that was left now was for him to curl up in a corner and rot. He was doing a good job of this so far, apart from his mandatory attendance in class.

He couldn't stop the memory of when his life ended from replaying cruelly in his mind. It taunted him in his sleep and in his waking hours. Though it was a month and a half since his erroneous blunder, he remembered it as if it was only seconds ago.

_A too-good-to-be-true kind of euphoria had prevented him from doing anything less than grinning like a right fool for the past few days. James had finally reached his goal. He didn't know how he did it, or why she allowed him to do it, but he did. James Potter and Lily Evans were officially a couple._

_Of course, all good things come to an end._

"_Tell me why you did it? Why did you lie to me?" She was furious. She was saddened. She was betrayed._

"_It's not me! I couldn't tell you, you wouldn't understand!" James was trying his best to make her comprehend, but she wouldn't budge._

"_James, do you understand how big this is? You're an illegal animagus! You could go to Azkaban…" she added the last part in a horrified whisper._

"_You don't know anything! You can't judge me because you just don't know!" James knew he shouldn't be getting worked up about this; it wasn't worth another row. Lily's reaction was justified and she really didn't know the half of it. It wasn't like he could help it because she was really touching a nerve._

"_I don't even know you anymore. I knew you were a troublemaker, you got yourself into detentions, and that was ok. But, this… this is just… criminal. Why did you do it, to show off, to just know that you could get away with it? Tell me, what selfish reason made this ok, James? Which one?_

"_I thought you had changed, or at least that I had the wrong impression of you. I thought you were actually thoughtful, considerate, compassionate… But I guess not… you broke my heart."_

_He couldn't say anything. What could he say, the truth? That's doubtful. Should he lie? He couldn't, not after everything she just said. Should he cry? Should he leave? He worked so hard to be with her, he didn't want to ruin it._

_So he just stood there. And waited… waited until her words had become a part of him… He waited until he was rendered numb with bitter remorse… He waited until it sunk so deep into his being that it was etched in his soul._

"_I feel stupid for trusting you." James could see that the end was inevitable. "You were the one person that I never imagined would hurt me."_

_She turned, opened the door, and left – out of his sight, out of his life, and out of his heart. He did the only thing that came naturally, he fell and he cried. _

_Silently, he cried._

He should have told her, he knew he should have told her. Even Remus said he should have told her. Why didn't he tell her? He loved her. When one loves another they have unfaltering trust for that person; for without trust, love is nothing but lust – meaningless, insipid lust.

Hope. Hope was all he had left, that is if he didn't die of regret. Vindication was the only thing that could save him now. If she would only see him for whom he really was: A man caught between his friends and his love, losing trust and gaining trust, determining what's right and what's wrong.

Since that day James no longer found pleasure in inflating his ego. He no longer went to look for fights; he had grown, finally realizing that nothing is fair, in life or in love.

"Do you think he's killed himself?"

"No, he's too noble and junk."

He heard familiar voices on the other side of his door. Knock, knock.

"James, come out. You can't dwell on this, it's been long enough," Remus' voice reasoned with him.

There was no chance in hell that he was going to get up from the comfortable depression that was his bed. Not voluntarily, at least.

"Don't say we didn't warn you." BANG! His door flew open and the disgraceful intrusion of light took over.

"Ghet ouht," James muffled through the covers in which he was entangled.

"Well, err… listen, James, we don't care if you want to, uh… or not, but um... you should go talk to Lily," Peter's squeaky voice sounded timidly brave.

"You have to tell her why you're an animagus and that you're not the only one," Sirius determined roughly, as he sat carelessly on James' bed.

"Youhr onmyh fuht."

"Tell her that I'm a werewolf," Remus continued conclusively.

"And you have to, uh… get her back."

"She's still in love with you, you git," said Sirius, his bottom settled on a more comfortable area other than James' slightly disproportioned foot – at least according to Sirius.

"It's your move now. You can either mourn about the loss of your love or you can do something about it."

"So what is it going to be? Show me the marauder spirit that only Prongs has a special way of expressing," Sirius always had a way with words. All this sounded vaguely rehearsed, but thoughtful nonetheless.

James unraveled from his cocoon to show that he wasn't going to budge. "Listen, I'm not the same person anymore. I just need to get over it so I can move on with my life."

They all looked at him sadly, obviously expecting him to changed his mind. Well, he wasn't. The three of them exchanged glances and uniformly walked out of his room. Sirius turned to face him, door in hand.

"I thought you said Lily _was_ your life."

With that he closed the door, and James was engulfed with darkness and light.

He felt calmly unsettled as he walked into the open air on a fresh Saturday afternoon – something he had not done in almost two months.

Somehow what his friends said had hit him right were he needed it. He did love Lily and she was his life. Maybe, she loved him too. There was only one way to find out.

"Lily…"

She looked surprised, "James?"

"Um… can we talk? In private…" he said, eyeing the few mildly interested people around her.

She looked at her surroundings and began to walk when she spotted a vacant room; he took it as a signal to walk along with her.

James felt an intoxicating rush that only came from her proximity to him.

"So, um, yeah…" He cringed at his lame start.

She stared blankly back at him.

"Well… I've been locking myself in my room every possible hour and wallowing in self-pity for the last month and a half. You know, nothing interesting. Just incase you were wondering," Now it was Lily's turn to cringe.

"It's not my fault that you lied to me," she retorted bitterly.

"I didn't lie to you…"

"Not telling me at all is just as bad as lying, James."

"I… I…" He struggled to defend himself, knowing that it was useless.

"Tell me then, what's the difference?"

"I will…" he challenged her. "Just come in here." He walked into the transfiguration classroom.

"So…"

He looked at her painfully, closed the door, and began to pace nervously. He sighed as he angrily ran his fingers through his hair, and began to speak to the floor.

"It's not just me."

"What are you talking about? There are more illegal animagi?"

"Yeah… Sirius and Peter are animagi as well." He traced a tile with his foot, not able to look her in the eye.

"Is this supposed to make anything better? This just shows that you're not only stupid, but you're good at making others act stupid as well."

"Just listen!" he screamed, frustrated. Lowering his voice he continued, "This is hard enough as it is." He looked up at her, hoping he hadn't scared her.

Lily had her arms crossed in defiance, and her lips pouted in stubbornness. James tried to distract his mind from admiring her image. She stood closer to him, finally letting her guard down.

"We didn't have a choice, and it wasn't, as you think, a selfish act. In fact, it was far from it.

"It all began in third year, when Sirius, Peter, and I found out something about Remus. This something was a big secret and he feared the day that any one would find out. Remus would risk _a_ _lot_ by telling anyone. But he trusts you and he wants you to know. So I'm going to tell you. Remus…"

He paused, almost as if purely for dramatic effect, "…is a werewolf."

He felt her gasp but wouldn't dare look at her. So he continued.

"We came to the resolution that we had to do something to help him out. We couldn't just stand by every month and let him go through that by himself. So we looked for ways that would ease him a bit. Since there is no cure for his lycanthropy, we didn't succeed in finding anything helpful for a while. One day Remus mentioned to us that there was sometimes a rare occasion where he would run into another animal. Something about being able to release _wolfish frustrations_ or the other made his experience a little less painful.

"So that's when it hit us. We should try to become animagus. Sirius and I were good at transfiguration and Remus had knowledge of almost anything stored in his brain. It wasn't hard after we found out what we had to do. We didn't succeed until our fifth year. But when we did, Remus was so… happy. He wouldn't let _us_ know that of course, but we could tell that he was no longer as cranky as he used to be when the full moon was nearing. And that was all it took to know that I had made my friends life just a little bit better, even in the slightest.

"I would do anything for my friends, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and… you."

He stared at his hands. Stared at his hands, because he couldn't look at her in the face with out being overwhelmed, because he was going to tell her…

"I… Well… You know that I um… care. About you. And well… I want to say -"

"I love you, too."

James didn't know what got into him. Suddenly, he grasped Lily's waist with his hand, brushed her cheek softly with the other, and leaned her towards his lips. He could feel her chest melt against his. Chills ran up his spine as her fingers stroked from his back to around his neck. She lightly ran her hand through his hair and brought herself closer under his impassioned will. He deepened the kiss and cursed every molecule between them. His elatedness caused him to lose control over his actions and he let his hands wander to a place that caused her to tighten her grasp on his hair – whether in protest or in pleasure, he did not know for at that moment…

"I'm almost sure I dropped it in Transfiguration."

James looked up startled and slightly angered, though wondering why he hadn't expected this before.

"Oh!" Remus was stunned at the scene before him "I thought no one was… we were just looking for the…thing. Um… Hello Lily," mumbled Remus incoherently. James could see he was now trying to hold back Sirius as he was reaching over to get a clear view.

"I'm just trying to congratulate my best mate here, Moony. _He'd_ do the same for you, _though sadly that probability is not in your favor_."

"We should leave. _Now_," Remus grunted.

Sirius stood put and conformed with two energetic thumbs up and a wide grin across his face. James saw Remus fidget uncomfortably. Lily must have noticed this, because at that moment she slowly went over and embraced him in a short yet comforting hug. This seemed to be enough to assure him that there was nothing to worry about.

"Hey! Don't I get a hug?" Sirius protested, while receiving a not so inviting stare from his mate. She shot him a blank look that clearly stated there were enough hugs for the day.

"Ok, I see how it is. Let's go Remus, let them have their fun," Sirius left overdramatically, obviously wanting to make an exit. Remus followed him with apologetic look. Just when James thought they had left, Sirius' head popped from the side of the door with yet another grin. "By the way, if you find my _Quiditch Monthly_, bring it back to our dorm when you're done with your little rendezvous."

Lily glanced at James and smiled as Sirius left. Her warm expression was enough to let him know that everything was falling into place.

He was elated: no longer did he have to worry about choosing between his friends and his love; no longer did she have to question his truth; no longer did he feel the pain of Lily's repugnance flowing like poison in his blood.

He wanted to live in this moment forever. He _knew_ he was going to strive the rest of his life to be by her side: to protect her, to indulge her, to love her.

He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice


End file.
